As I finish my Junior College Planning Meeting’s this month with all of my juniors and their parents, one topic I never get in depth about is how much of the responsibility falls on the student and how much responsibility falls on the parent when it comes to applying to college? Both parties do play significant roles in the process. It is good to have balance but know which roles are important for each to play. It also depends on which part of the process we are talking about. Below, I will break down what I believe to be the proper role for both parent and student in each of the different processes involved in the college planning and application process.
College Research:
The student should spend their own time researching colleges and coming up with a list of schools that they are considering. Parents can also do research and tend to spend more time doing so but what they should do more of is encourage their child to do research together if they see their child doing little on their own. Why is it so important that the student take ownership of this process? Because they are going to eventually attend college and if the parent is doing the research it may lead to more conflict later on when their child disagrees with what their parents are telling them. At DC, I work with juniors to make sure they develop a list of colleges they are thinking about in their Naviance account. Verdict: Student- 70%, Parent- 30%
College Visit:
The parent can definitely help plan the visit. That probably involves a phone call to the admissions office. Obviously, the parent is most likely going to pay for the expense of the visit as well. As soon as you arrive on campus though, the student needs to take ownership of the visit. The parent is definitely in a support role, but they need to let their child ask questions, initiate conversation and dictate what they should see and do on the visit. It’s okay for a parent to ask a question or two but it would be even better if the student asked. College visits can end up being very enjoyable and bonding experiences for both parent and child but it won’t be unless both understand their roles and stay within the appropriate boundaries. The hardest thing for a parent is to be quiet. They want to ask a lot of questions but sometimes this frustrates the child. Verdict: Before Visit (Parent- 90%, Student- 10%), During Visit (Student- 90%, Parent- 10%)
College Application:
This process has to be owned by the student and encouraged by the parent. If the parent is doing more than encouraging their child they are hindering their child from developing key maturity growth that they can only learn if they are put in new, uncomfortable and difficult situations. If the parent is habitually helping their child avoid these situations, their child will have a more difficult time when they are forced into these situations in college. The student should complete each and every part of the the college application. This includes the application itself, essay(s), requesting letters of recommendation and attending the interview. You would be surprised what I hear from college counselors when it comes to the interview. Parents want to ask questions before and after and even sometimes ask to sit in on the interview. As a parent, I wouldn’t even be involved. Encourage, ask your child some questions before they leave, and then stay home. Even have your child pay the application fee (with your money is fine) so they know that their application costs money. What happens after you apply? I recommend that all communication to a college regarding an application needs to be made by the student. Why? This shows interest and also initiative and maturity to the admissions counselor. This is also very important communication that the student will need to continue in different capacities when they are at college. Admission counselors want to hear from the student, not the parent. As a matter of fact, when a parent calls, colleges that gauge interest do not count this as interest. Verdict: When Applying (Student- 100%, Parent- 0%), After applying (Student- 100%, Parent- 0%)
Financial Aid:
This is the part of the process that the parent takes the lead, mainly because they are paying for their child’s college experience. Nevertheless, the student should be aware, understanding of and knowledgeable of how much everything is, how much that will affect their decision and what they are responsible for. This process can get tricky because it tends to dictate where the student ends up going. If parent and child were in constant communication about finances and what to expect before the application process started, through the application process and after decisions and financial aid awards letters are received, it leads to a more wise and understanding decision when it comes to the college he or she will attend. The parent will complete the FAFSA, CSS Profile and any other need based Financial Aid applications. The students should be the one to complete any merit-based scholarships. It’s okay if you find them for your child parents but please make sure the student take ownership of merit-based scholarships. Verdict: Need-Based Applications (Parent- 100%, Student- 0%), Merit-Based Scholarships (Student- 90%, Parent- 10%)
Decision on where to attend college:
This decision is always made by the student. I know parents think they deserve some say because they are paying for college but in the end, if the student doesn’t make the decision, this can lead to tremendous anxiety and regret.
