I hope you all have had a great start to the school year whether you are a student or a parent. One phrase you may have heard this summer is “adulting”. If you would like to read up on how “adulting” came about and what it is click here. We are offering a SAIL class at DC called “Adulting” and it filled up quickly. This is a nationwide trend as well. Please feel free to click on the links below to see what other adulting classes are being offered around the country.
“Adulting” School in Portland, Maine
“Adulting” class at UC Berkeley
Why, all of a sudden, are high schools and now colleges offering this class for high school students? I could fill this entire post with reasons but I will use a couple quotes from a book I am currently reading by Ben Sasse titled, The Vanishing American Adult.
“In a different time, there was decent clarity about what coming of age into adulthood meant. Leaving childhood and becoming an adult was conceptually clear. It was a gift that older generations gave to the younger. No longer. Ours is now an odd nation of both delayed grown-ups and delayed-children who create words to mock the idea that we could ever become responsible, civic-minded leaders.”
“I believer our entire nation is in the midst of a collective coming-of-age crisis without parallel in our history. We are living in an America of perpetual adolescence. Our kids simply don’t know what an adult is anymore – or how to become one. Many don’t see a reason to even try. Perhaps even more problematic, the older generations have forgotten that we need to plan to teach them. It’s our fault more than theirs.”
Now, I am not writing a post on the “adulting” phenomenon but I do want to mention a few ways I have already been “adulting” seniors in the college application process for years and how parents should support their senior through this process. I am big on having seniors be advocates for themselves throughout the application process because they are the ones applying to the colleges, not the parents. The parents are supposed to support, encourage and remind if necessary. This is an important part of the college application process that get’s overlooked and can play a roll in a college admissions officer’s decision to admit a student to their school or not. Below are ways seniors should be “adulting” in the college application process:
- Know the admissions counselor who has our school.
Before they apply, seniors should go to each of the websites of the colleges they are applying to and find out who the admission counselor is who will be reading their application. They can do this by going to the “Admissions” page of the college’s website and clicking on a “meet your counselor” or a “contact us” link and see if the college admissions officers at the college are listed. They should find the representative for Pennsylvania, Eastern PA or Philadelphia (sometimes this is divided between the city or suburbs) as the territory they are responsible for. Write or type this person’s name, phone number and e-mail address somewhere.
2. Communicate with this counselor in person, over the phone and through e-mail.
Each senior needs to be communicating with the admissions counselor who will be reading their application. This can be somewhat difficult for some because it is getting them out of their comfort zone and forcing them to interact with someone in authority they do not know and has influence because they will be making a decision on whether to admit them or not to their school. If this school is a “safety” school on the senior’s list, it will alleviate some of the pressure, but it is still great to develop rapport and have good communication with them. If it’s a “target” or a “reach” school on the senior’s list, there could be more pressure, but the communication and rapport with this counselor is much more important. The parent(s) CANNOT overstep the boundaries and be the one to communicate and ask questions. This can create a negative perception in the admission counselor’s mind that the student cannot advocate for themselves and why would they want to admit a student like this to their school?
If the senior can meet with this admissions counselor in person, especially if this counselor visits our school, they must make this a priority. I had a counselor in my office last year who knew that a couple seniors were applying to their school. Those seniors did not come visit them and it left a negative impression on them. The counselor said, “If they were really interested in attending my school, and I made the effort to come to their school but they couldn’t meet with me, what does that tell me about whether they would like to attend my school?” Seniors also need to be the one to call or e-mail the counselor if they have questions. When a senior comes to my office with a question about their application that I can’t answer, I have made them call or e-mail the counselor (with my support if needed). Another note for parents: When you are visiting a college or attending an interview or college fair with your senior, they need to do all the talking. Please don’t own the conversation because, again, this takes away from the impression your senior is leaving with the admissions counselor. Never attend an interview with your senior. Stay in the car, lobby, or leave and pick them up.
3. Complete the admissions and scholarship applications yourself by the deadline.
This sounds crazy but you would be surprised at how many times I know that a parent completed an application for their senior. The college may not even know (even though I have heard plenty of admissions officers tell me they knew) but you are also not helping your senior mature and go through an important process that will benefit them in the future. I’ve had parents give me reasons such as, “but they are so busy I was trying to help them” or “they weren’t getting it done so I just did it” or even “If I did it I knew it would be completed correctly.” All you are doing is enabling them and preventing them from true responsibility and growth. Even if they are driving you crazy because they are putting it off and the deadline is a week away or sooner, if they miss the deadline then they will need to deal with the consequences and in the long run they may learn from this experience and mature from it. Seniors, I preach in my meetings and classes that part of becoming an adult is understanding that you need to plan ahead, prepare and complete things in a timely manner so that you are not rushing to get something done right before a deadline. If you waited until the last minute to complete a big project for a job you had in the future you may not have that job for long. If you learn this now, you will respond and execute much better in any future occupation you have.
4. Talk with your parents about your college financial plan.
This is something that is very important to do before you start completing your applications senior year. It may even benefit to have this conversation in the spring of your junior year as you begin to strongly consider a few schools. Parents, you need to be upfront and honest with your child about how much money you have saved and expect to have when paying for their college education. Don’t give your child the impression that they can go to college wherever they want when you don’t have the means to pay for it, or even worse, you think they can take out a ton of loans to pay for their college education. If you are not upfront about the financial situation surrounding your child’s college decisions, the conversations you have later after they have been accepted to certain colleges can be difficult and heartbreaking. If your senior understands the financial means by which they have to pay for each school they are applying to, they can “own the process” when it comes to whether that college is a good financial fit for them and they can even pursue merit based scholarships at colleges with more focus and intensity. Lastly, I recommend that the parent completes the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) but have their senior with them while they complete it.
5. YOU make the decision on where you will attend college.
This seems like another no brainer because I haven’t known many parents at all over my last 18 years of college counseling who have made the decision for their child on where they will attend college. However, I do know parents “strongly influence” this decision and my advice is for the parent(s) to give their advice, suggestions and honest feedback and then back away and pray for their senior. Pray that God will guide and direct them to where He would want them to go to school. It is important that the senior have complete ownership of this decision because they are the one that is attending the school, not the parents. The last thing a parent wants is their child blaming them because they attended a school their parents told them they should attend and they ended up not enjoying it. Seniors, you also need to pray about your decision if it is down to one, two or three schools. Make sure you seek God’s direction and be wise when it comes to fit and finances. YOU (the senior) are making the final decision. OWN IT!
