As most students approach 15-16 years old, they come to a crossroads in their life when the decisions they make begin to impact their future circumstances more. I definitely don’t want to discount decisions they make before this age but typically, when they’re younger (lets say between ages 10-14) or younger, parents still have a good amount of influence in their lives and they aren’t making many of the “larger” decisions themselves. In my experience, having been a counselor for almost 20 years now and as a parent (I have a 16 year old), it’s natural for a 15-16 year old to want to make more decisions on their own and it’s healthy for the parent(s) to allow them to. I’m not talking about large financial decisions that parents should obviously make because they are the ones paying, or decisions/rules that are made within the home because teens still live under their parents roof. I am talking about decisions involving their peers, more autonomy to take care of their responsibilities in school, what sports/activities they will play, getting and having a job, paying for things and in this case, how they approach the college planning and application process.
In Jeff Selingo’s new book, “Who Gets In and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions”, Jeff makes a distinction between “drivers” and “passengers” in the college admissions process. Honestly, these labels can be applicable to many other situations in life as well. Whichever a student determines they will be will most definitely determine the opportunities and options they have in the future. Jeff defines both the “driver” and the “passenger” in the college planning and application process below.
“When teenagers and their families embark on the college search, they are largely empty vessels waiting to be filled with information. Over time, they separate into two worlds and follow different calendars as they hunt for a college. One group starts early as voracious consumers of information, reading guidebooks or regularly talking to counselors or others who can help them. They are what I call “drivers”. The other world is occupied by “passengers” along for the ride. Some students are “passengers” by choice – myopic teenagers propelled by parents and counselors. Others might have the motivation to be “drivers” but they lack access to good advice either at school or at home.
For the remainder of this post, I am going to dig deeper into what I think defines both the “driver” and “passenger” roles in the college planning and application process. Before I begin, let me clarify something Jeff Selingo says in the quote above. If you are reading this post, have consistent access to internet, attend a school that has Naviance, SCOIR, etc. and a college counselor that you can meet with and receive information from, you would be a “passenger” by choice.
I would like to start with the “PASSENGERS” in the college planning and application process and then move on to the characteristics of “DRIVERS”.
Characteristics of “Passengers”:
Doesn’t show initiative– These students need to be told to get things done. They are prodded by teachers, parents or even peers consistently because in order for them to do something, someone needs to make them at some point in time. They don’t plan ahead or in most cases, think ahead. They’re only concerned with what is happening right now and they may only do things they want to do.
Lack of communication– These students will not initiate conversation with others beyond their closest peers. They wait for someone to communicate with them before engaging in a conversation. These conversations are typically short because the student has not built up enough communication skills to carry on a lengthy conversation with someone they don’t typically or want to communicate with.
Doesn’t read new information– Like I said earlier, if you have consistent access to internet, attend a school that has a counselor who you can meet with and get information from, you have no excuse to not be a continual learner about the college admissions process. If you attend Delaware County Christian School, you really have no excuse because all students in the Upper School have access to SCOIR, consistently receive information and links to important information from me, and I have you in class as a junior. If for some reason, however, you ignore this information, continue to “put off” the college planning process and then decide the summer before your senior year that you do care where you will apply to college, you may not understand or know what you need to in order to make the “wisest” decision(s) moving forward.
Lack of enthusiasm– This is a decision you make yourself on how you respond to situations in your life moving forward. Let’s say I’m an employer and you are applying to work at my company. I’ve interviewed six people for the position. Four of the applicants communicated well, asked good questions and seemed excited to work at my company and two didn’t seem that excited or enthusiastic. Right off the bat, these two that didn’t would be eliminated for consideration. Now, both of these applicants may say, “that’s not true!”, they did really think the job was a good fit and were excited for the opportunity. They may make the excuse though that “that’s just not their personality”, they aren’t “overly enthusiastic people”. The reality is though, the college admissions and corporate world don’t care. Your body language, tone of voice, mannerisms and excitement shown when meeting or talking with college admissions counselors or future bosses is very important. So these are skills that some may need to learn how to do.
Doesn’t ask questions– Not only does asking questions help you get the information you want to know, but it shows initiative to others, exhibits more enthusiasm for a subject you want to know about and tells someone you are genuinely interested. Man! You are “hitting three birds with one stone”! If you don’t ask questions, take the opposite of everything I just said above that ask yourself, “is this the impression I want to leave with someone”?
Characteristics of “Drivers”:
“Self-Starters”– This means that these students do not need someone else constantly reminding them to get things done or make them do things. Typically, this would be your parents but it can also be your teachers, coaches, boss or even your peers. In the college planning and application process this could mean that a student searches for colleges online, signs up to attend a virtual (or in-person) college visit, emails a college admissions counselor, completes the tasks a counselor gives them, completes an application, writes an essay(s) and even meets with their college counselor ON THEIR OWN and not without someone making them do it.
Asks good questions– See above note next to “Doesn’t ask questions”. There is never a dumb question and if you are told there is, forget about it and move on and don’t let anyone prevent you from asking more questions. I had a DC alum in my office this past fall telling me that she asked a question in one of her college classes. The professor “blew her off” and acted like it was a dumb question. After class, a lady came up to her and said, “I think the question you asked was a good one”. The DC alum ended up interning with this lady eventually. A colleague of mine at a previous school I worked with, who you had to go through to get things you may have wanted, told me some of the best (and most simple) advice in my career. She said, “you should always ask because the worst answer you can get is “no”, but if you never ask, I would never know what you were thinking in the first place”. I was able to get a few things I didn’t think I could because I asked and I didn’t realize the money was there for me to get it. AMAZING! Asking college admission counselors questions is one of the best ways for you to show you are interested in a school.
Is a Continual Learner– To be someone who wants to make the wisest decisions possible that will impact their future, they need to be educated about what they are deciding on. When you buy a car or house, is it wise just to take a quick look and say, “I’m sold, we’re buying it now”. NO! You need to do your research…know how old it is, what are the issues with it, how much will it cost to repair, how much money do you actually have and is it wise to spend all of it, and much more. The same goes with finding a right fit college. Outside of buying a house it will most likely be the most expensive decision you make. Do you understand financial aid and the scholarships they offer. How much is tuition and room and board? What are your parents willing to contribute and how much are you contributing to your college education? Can you get a larger scholarship at another college? Are you willing to go further from home and what are the benefits and downsides of that decision? Do they have the major I would like to pursue and what does that specific program look like? There is so much more but all of this information can be understood if you listen to those that share this information with you, take the time to learn and ask questions.
Responds Well to Adversity– There are different types of adversity. There is adversity one faces that are very difficult and traumatic experiences in their lives that can take time to overcome. There is also adversity that happens to all of us when we’re given a bad grade, have difficulty in a relationship with a friend, are told “no” to something we wanted, get in a car accident (no injuries), or lose something of value. I am referring to the latter. A “driver” is going to be disappointed, frustrated or even angry for a brief time after they face this type of adversity but then they pick themselves up, dust themselves off and keep pressing on to take advantage of the next opportunity. They won’t let a time of adversity impact many other areas of their life or set them back for months without making significant progress. How you respond to adversity will be reflected in your teacher recommendation letters, essays, interviews and college applications. This is also a quality future employers want to see in applicants.
Communicate well– When a “driver” communicates, they do so with enthusiasm and excitement in their voice. I’m not saying you have to sound like a hyena, just that it sounds like you care what you are talking about. I know students who talk to me about what they like to do or want to do, but their delivery in the way they talk to me doesn’t exhibit that at all because their voice is monotone, quiet, their face has no expression, their slumped over in their chair (if we are sitting down) and they barely make eye contact. If you have any or all of these characteristics when you speak to someone, now is a great time to pay attention and improve on them. Also, when it comes to emails, I enjoy students who write a greeting (Hi/Dear/Hello/Good Morning), a well written body of the email without grammatical or spelling errors and a complimentary closing (Thanks!/Have a good night/Sincerely). This is the same for college admission counselors. They can gather a lot about the maturity, interest, preparedness of an application by the way they communicate with them.
Starts Earlier– A “driver” isn’t going to wait until the last minute to get something done. They plan ahead and understand that the sooner they get something done, the more freedom it provides them later to make adjustments, choose a new option, take advantage of more opportunities they weren’t aware of initially or they can make a decision earlier and not be as stressed later. They shouldn’t just make a quick decision to be done though. They need to give themselves the appropriate amount of time to make the best decision they can.
In conclusion, I hope after reading this post it should be abundantly clear that if you want to take advantage of the opportunities afforded to you, make the wisest decision possible on where to apply to college because these schools are a good fit for you physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially and then make the best decision on where to attend college, you need to be a “driver” in the the college planning and application process. Most importantly, we need to be “drivers” in our personal relationship with Jesus Christ because He ultimately holds our future in His hands and determines our path.
